Yesterday was my 40th birthday. All the cliché things were said – “It’s just not possible that you’re 40!” “Oh my god, SERIOUSLY?! I thought you were like {insert sufficiently young age here}.” “40 is just a number.” “You don’t look a day over thirty-{insert sufficiently small number here}.” – and, while these sentiments are deeply appreciated (seriously), the funny thing is that they’re almost unnecessary.
No one is more surprised than I to be saying that. If you’d asked me a year ago how I felt about turning 40, I would have uttered some half-truth like “Oh, it’s just a birthday.” But the truth is, I’ve been thinking about what this birthday means to me since this time last year…and about what I wanted to accomplish in my 41st year.
Manifesting change is a funny thing – there’s the germ of an idea at first, it percolates in your head and grows until, one day, you find yourself listing the things you’ve been wanting to do and realize that you’ve already done them or at least set plans in motion. Not only that, but amazing people have come into your life along the way.
Weird.
As I step back and think about how and why I am where I am – physically, emotionally, professionally – the pieces of what has felt like a pretty haphazard series of events have finally come together. And they all point to some variation of what I like to call “extreme self care.” Because, as Lao Tzu wrote, “If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.”
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Plan. Then go with the flow. I guess all of the things I wanted didn’t “just happen.” There was planning involved; but at some point, the planning has to stop and the letting go has to begin. And then the planning comes back in…followed by the letting go. You get the idea. Took me a little while to figure this one out.
- Move onward and upward. Alexander Graham Bell once said “Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the other that is open.” Confront challenges. Deal with them. And move through them…as quickly as you can. Stop looking backwards and keep your eyes peeled for that open door. (Do you see it? It’s sooooo there!)
- Listen to your body. My body is my single greatest source of information when it comes to having enough energy to actually make stuff happen. For example, as I write this, I’m feeling a little sluggish. I trained hard last weekend, so my first thought is of salt (especially given my tendency to eat sweet stuff instead of salty). I put the coffee aside, had some water, and then downed a Nuun electrolyte drink. I could almost hear my body sigh with relief (and feel my eyes open just a bit wider). It really is that simple. Learn to “deconstruct” your cravings. They’ll give you all kinds of great clues about taking care of yourself.
- Find inspiration every day. In quotes. In work. In your kids. In friends. In flowers. In new experiences. In art. Whatever turns you on, try to have a little every day.
- Sunscreen + Pilates = Eternal Youth. These two simple things are the secret to eternal youth (or at least to looking eternally young). I’m totally serious.
- “I get to” vs. “I have to.” Re-frame your day by flipping all of the “oh my god, I HAVE to”‘s to “I get to”‘s. This little mind shift makes all the difference in how you approach even the most frustrating tasks. (Just try it for a week. I swear it works.)
- It’s okay to be grumpy sometimes. I began a session with a client the other day with my usual “What’s new and good?” “Nothing,” she said. Ohhhh-kay, then. She immediately began apologizing for being so negative. “It’s okay to be grumpy, K.. Tell me what’s up.” Give yourself permission to be crabby when you have reason to be crabby (and even if you don’t)…it’s okay to wallow sometimes. It helps us process.
- Eat well, but not too well. Don’t take “extreme self-care” to an extreme. Sometimes eating that cupcake or greasy burger is the healthiest thing you can do. Easing up on healthy living can sometimes be the healthiest thing of all.
- Be grateful. Try to remember at least a few things every day for which you’re grateful – it’s the best kick in the pants when you’re feeling sorry for yourself. They might be as small as “I’m grateful for the daffodil that just popped up in the yard.” or as big as “I’m grateful that I closed that million dollar deal.” Point is that, even on days where it seems there’s nothing to celebrate, there is. You just may have to look a little harder.
- Change it up. This is a big one for me – I’m programmed to explore. It keeps the juices flowing. If you can travel, travel. If that’s not practical, take a new route to work tomorrow. Or go to a new coffee shop. Or walk down a block you’ve never walked down before. Even a small change in perspective will refresh your brain and power-up your “manifesting ability.”
- Allow yourself to wander. Sometimes things (and people and places) happen for no good reason. Be open to the possibility that they hold the clue to your true north.
Sooooo…for my birthday, I wished for and got: Sunday brunch with friends (scones + mimosas + way too much food at the Hi Spot Café on a brilliantly sunny, 70-degree Sunday…heaven!), an afternoon at the spa, an indulgent dinner at the Book Bindery with my foodie boyfriend, and shopping at Nordstrom. Still to come: a great half marathon in June (a personal record would be nice, but not absolutely necessary), a soul-expanding trip in the fall, and visits from dear friends and family throughout the year.
I also wish for you to be your best, healthiest, and happiest self this year. If I can help you do that, I would be honored.
xo,
