How many times have you decided not to do something – go on a trip, quit your job, learn a new skill, leave a relationship, stay in a relationship, introduce yourself to someone new at a networking event – because you were afraid? Come on…how many times? If you’re like me, probably a few thousand over the course of your life (so far).
As a nascent entrepreneur, I come face-to-face with this fear pretty much every day (usually several times a day). Recently, one of the many reasons for this fear slapped me in the face as I was listening to a recording of a webinar I gave to a small business/entrepreneurs’ group: I’m really, really good at what I’ve been doing for 15 years. Helping businesses grow via marketing and building partnerships is what I know, what I excel at, what I do in my sleep at this point. Ask me how you can drive sales, get brand exposure, enter a new distribution channel, move your business forward in some way and I’ve got 10 ideas for you in a matter of minutes.
When I began my 400 hours of Pilates certification training last Spring, I was overcome with self-doubt. I remember crying to a friend one evening after a particularly grueling weekend of training, saying “I don’t know what I’m doing! I don’t like not knowing what I’m doing! Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this at all.” The fear of never being as good at Pilates instruction as I was at what I was already doing almost caused me to turn my back on something that’s opened up more doors in my life than you can imagine, including my newest pursuit – studying to become a health counselor. (And you know what? I’ve become a pretty good Pilates instructor!)
We gravitate towards what we know. We get stuck in what feels comfortable – our “default state.” We sabotage ourselves with thoughts of “what if” and “how can I possibly” and “I don’t deserve to be.” Here are some things I do when I get into that head space. They don’t always work, but I think they’re worth a try.
- Shake things up. Be curious. Force yourself to take just one small step towards the thing you fear. It could be calling to get more information about a class or a new job. Or committing to going to just one party or event at which you don’t know anyone. (You could also try hopping on a plane to go somewhere far away for a few days, as I recently did…more on that in a later post. Sometimes a change of scenery is the jolt you need to get some clarity about what you really want and to get back on track.)
- Remember the last time you felt like you couldn’t do something. Really take the time to visualize that moment of despair and self-doubt and feel it again. Then think about the last time you did that very thing successfully…and feel that.
- Help someone else talk through their fears. Taking the spotlight off of ourselves for a while and helping someone else be successful can remind us of our own strength.
- Seek advice…but not too much. Choose one or two people in your life who you know are good to talk with about these sorts of things, who will reflect what they hear from you rather than telling you what to do. Take those carefully chosen “opinions” into account…and then chose your own path.
- Breathe. I know it sounds ridiculous, but sometimes I get so seized up by uncertainty and indecision that I forget to breathe. Oxygen is good for your brain. And you’ll need it as you push through to the unknown. 🙂
