Happy New Year (almost)!
It’s New Year’s Eve in my little part of the world, and I’m gearing up for – to be honest – a cozy evening at home with a friend to watch the fireworks over the Space Needle from my roof deck, followed by a day spent cooking Hoppin’ John and spicy collard greens tomorrow. (You can take the girl out of the South, but you can’t take the South outta the girl. 😉
If you’ve been hanging out with me for a while, you know that I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions.
But I DO believe in using the turn of the year to review where I’ve been, where I want to go and what’s getting in the way.
You can imagine how many times I hear “I’m really gonna exercise more this year.” or “Only healthy food for me this year.” or “This is the year I finally quit sugar!” at this time of year… from myself as much as from everyone else.
I’d love to believe that we’ll all do what we say we’re going to do, but here’s the thing:
Sometimes…
You just don’t want to.
And that’s okay.
A couple personal examples…
During the week of Christmas, I didn’t want to exercise. I wanted to spend time with my family and eat all the southern treats I can’t get back in Seattle. (No one does ham biscuits like my sister.)
Any exercise I got was motivated by other things, but it wasn’t my priority. Hanging out with my nephews and eating loads of sugar and other yumminess was.
(Yes, I’m paying for the sugar craziness this week. And yes, I might have to cut it off cold turkey. Sugar is a drug, after all. *sigh*)
I say I want a boyfriend/husband, but there’s a little part of me that likes my single life just the way it is. As my friend Scott pointed out recently “If you wanted to be married, you’d be married. You’ve had plenty of options.”
And he’s right. I just didn’t want a boyfriend/husband (yet).
The way I see it, you could beat yourself up for not doing what you “should” do or make excuses like “I don’t have time,” blah blah blah.
Or you could OWN that you don’t want to do it – that whatever it is you say you want to do hasn’t made it to the top of your priority list (yet).
‘Cause I can promise you this: Guilt is a fickle motivator. It may force your hand, but you’ll resent every step you take.
And one day, you’ll just throw up your hands and say “F it. I’m tired of feeling guilty.” – and you’ll stop doing what you said you wanted to do anyway.
Which brings me to another reason you’re not doing what you say you want to do:
You’re not in touch with your why.
Okay, so you want to exercise because you want to lose weight.
Is that the ACTUAL reason you want to exercise?
“Um, yes?”
Okay, fine… WHY do you want to lose weight?
“I want to fit into my favorite dress.”
Great. Why?
“I want to feel more attractive.”
Why?
“I want to feel more confident when I give a presentation at work.”
Great! WHY?
“I want my co-workers to see me for the brilliant business strategist that I am and not the ‘fat girl.’ I’m not putting myself out there… I’m hiding behind my ‘fat girl’.”
Oooo… okay, now we’re getting somewhere.
It may not be pretty, but at least it’s honest – and REAL.
Ask yourself “why” until you literally don’t have another answer, until the answer you’ve given is your absolute bottom line.
When you think you have it, ask “why” again. At least three more times.
(You’ll probably want to hurl something through cyberspace at me when you hear my voice in your head asking you “why” over and over and over again. That’s cool – hurl away. I can take it.)
Then, write your bottom line on a piece of paper and put it on your bathroom mirror or on the refrigerator or on your computer screen – anywhere that you’ll see it several times a day.
Like my client Caitlin, who wrote “Do I want to be right? Or do I want to be EFFECTIVE?” on a sticky note when she really wanted to get along with her overbearing, know-it-all boss. It worked.
Your why is the real reason you want to do something. It will keep you going far longer than guilt.
So often, we don’t take responsibility for the power we have to change – or not change – our lives.
You have way more control over how things pan out than you think.
So, at the risk of sounding like a total b*tch, stop making excuses, get clear about your priorities and your why and OWN your power to make stuff happen when you want to make stuff happen.
As my friend Erika Lyremark wisely asks, “What are you committed to?”.
If you’re reading my blog, I’m pretty sure you’ve made stuff happen in other areas of your life. You’ll make stuff happen in that one area you’ve been avoiding too… as soon as you commit.
I’m sure of it.
Tell me in the comments what you’re committed to in 2015.
Cheering you on.
P.S. Another favorite action blocker of mine: “Forget it! It’s just too hard.” Kim felt that way about her eating habits too, until she signed up for The Effortless Eating Program:
“I had a lifelong struggle with sugar addiction. It was overpowering most days, requiring sheer force of will to resist eating an entire bag of cookies after lunch or dinner.
Now, I don’t even crave sugar; and I don’t feel deprived when I don’t eat all the goodies at a party where my friends are indulging. That mindset of feeling left out – that everyone else got to have some and I couldn’t – is just gone.
The Effortless Eating Program was an eye-opening experience for me in terms of my mindset around food. I learned that eating and taking care of my body can be fun and interesting and I can be curious and engaged about trying different foods. The focus on adding in healthy food instead of on taking out the “bad” stuff was a huge shift for me, one that I’ve applied in my life every day since I finished the program.
I was able to step away from my fixation on weight loss long enough to discover the foods that truly nourish me. I have more energy. I stay full longer after meals. I’m exercising regularly, including hot yoga several times a week. I’m still getting benefits, long after I finished The Effortless Eating Program; and it’s because Lara started the ball rolling with changing my mindset around food.
I wholeheartedly recommend this program. It will affect every area of your life. I believe that how you are in one area of your life is how you are in all areas of your life. The Effortless Eating Program will cause shifts in every area of your life, not just eating.
Bottom line? The choices you make around the food you eat really can be effortless. It’s not just a name. It’s truly effortless for me now to make the choices that are aligned with what I want for myself and for my body…and it all started with The Effortless Eating Program.”
Kim Greco
Are the choices you make around food in alignment with what you want for yourself and your body in 2015?
They can be. Here’s how.
