I’m a planner.
I like lists and calendars and accountability partners and, well, planners (you know, the old school ones you actually write in?).
I like planning SO much, in fact, that I sometimes have a hard time going with the flow.
Because planning has served me well in my life. It’s helped me land great jobs, build a business, eat healthy food more often than not, run two half marathons, and travel to amazing places.
Planning has even helped me make new friends (like you, for example…you’re a planner too, right? ;).
But here’s the thing: There’s magic in NOT planning too. Stuff happens when you don’t plan…stuff you couldn’t possibly have imagined in your plan.
Here’s what I’ve learned about balancing planning with not planning + some really amazing tools for creating – and simplifying – your 2014 “plan.”
- The bumper sticker that sums up my planning philosophy would say “Plan + Flow. Repeat.” (I hate bumper stickers, by the way…but I digress.) It all came together around my 40th birthday, when I wrote this post. Plan + flow has become a personal mantra…one that I use when I’m pushing forward a little too
impatientlyenthusiastically and just need to go with the flow. My friend Nathalie Lussier puts it another way. She says we need to cultivate two different energies when we’re working towards our goals: making sh*t happen and being open to receiving what comes. (Nathalie might put it a bit more delicately than that. 😉 The trick is to know when to use which energy; but the bottom line is the same: Plan + Flow. Repeat. - The end game isn’t about the goals. It’s about how you want to feel when you get there. No one articulates this more elegantly than Danielle LaPorte in The Desire Map. (In fact, she’s the first person I’ve seen to say it at all.) The Desire Map walks you through what was originally Danielle’s personal planning system, one that she created when she realized that traditional goal setting – I want to get a new job, go to Hawaii, clean out my closet once a month, make a million dollars, run three marathons, lose 20 pounds – doesn’t feel so great…that, in fact, it often makes us feel bad no matter the outcome. If we fail to reach our goals, we feel bad because we failed. If we reach our goals, we feel bad because we don’t feel as good as we thought we’d feel. If we exceed our goals, we feel bad because we didn’t ask for more. Crazy, right?! And so true. The Desire Map helps you figure out how you want to feel (i.e., your Core Desired Feelings) and make decisions based on generating those feelings every day. You might be surprised how your goals change when you consider how you want to feel first.
- Eventually, we must get down to mapping out a plan…but not too much. My favorite new planning tool is my wall calendar from NeuYear.net. I write in personal and business travel + key business dates first. Then, I add sticky notes for things that a) I know I want to do this year but I’m not sure when (like another half marathon) or b) I’m not sure I want to do, but could make it on the priority list depending on what else happens. Once that’s done, I just sit back and watch the year unfold. I move the sticky notes around or take them off as things get clearer. I erase and re-write plans if I need to. It’s like this gorgeous – and totally flexible – window into my future…a constant visual reminder of plan + flow. I LOVE my wall calendar!!
- If I try to do more than three things in a day, I get nothing done. This trick will sound familiar to anyone who’s done one of my coaching programs: Choose three things to do each day. That’s it. Three. I know it sounds crazy, but give it a shot for a few weeks and report back. I’m all about to-do lists, but there’s nothing more paralyzing and productivity-killing than a massive daily to-do list. Break up your list by timeframe each week – things I need to do this week, next week, later – and then force yourself to choose just three priorities each day. It will absolutely transform your productivity (i.e., you’ll get way more done)…and significantly lower your stress level. I promise.
- Making stuff happen requires vigilant self-compassion. If you’re a planner and achiever like me, you’re probably pretty hard on yourself. You want stuff to happen and you want it to happen NOW (especially with health goals like losing weight or eating better). When it doesn’t, that little voice in your head gets a little nasty sometimes. Mine does, too. Making time for a regular “self-compassion practice” has been a game changer for me. As hokey and self-indulgent as that may sound, recent research suggests that self-compassion is essential to achieving our goals. Check out these resources from Dr. Kristin Neff, Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal, and shame and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown for practical ways to create your own self-compassion practice.
I’d love to hear in the comments…
- Are you a planner or a go with the flow kinda person?
- How has being one way or the other helped you reach your goals? And how can you cultivate the one that doesn’t come naturally?
Oh yeah, and HAPPY, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 🙂
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