I get asked a lot why I do what I do…why I care that other people feel relaxed and happy about their food choices, instead of obsessed and stressed out.
It’s a fair question. And the answer isn’t entirely altruistic.
Like all good Type A achievers, I think the world – and the people in it – should be a certain way…namely, like me. 😉
But the good news is that, in this particular case, my tendency to think everyone should be like me works to your advantage.
In this week’s post, I share a story I’ve never shared before…one that might shed some light on one of the reasons I’m on a mission to help you eat effortlessly and what I’ve learned in my journey to get there.
I grew up in the South (Richmond, Virginia to be precise) and went to a girls’ school from kindergarten all the way through high school.
While I’m beyond grateful for the things I learned there and attribute a huge amount of my success to the foundation I gained from the experience, I also learned first hand how relentless girls can be when it comes to looks and body image. (Remember the movie Mean Girls? There are a few in every bunch.)
I don’t think my high school was unusual in this respect: The way you looked determined, to a large extent, your social status.
Many of my classmates were obsessed with their weight. They dieted and exercised obsessively. They did anything and everything to maintain an unnaturally skinny frame. Several of them struggled with eating disorders.
And who could blame them?! Girls can be, well, mean! Add that to images of perfect women in magazines and on TV and…yeah, it’s tough out there for girls. (Sadly, not much has changed since I was in high school.)
Looking back on it, I see how lucky I was. I had a naturally athletic and slim build, one that I didn’t have to work all that hard to keep (although I was active in sports throughout my years in school).
Despite that, I wasn’t immune to the social pressure to stay thin.
I wasn’t one of the “popular girls.” I was somewhere between geeky and popular…not a total outcast, but a bit bookish…a straight A student who put studying first, no matter what else was going on in my life. As a result, I had to fight for my social status (that’s what my teenage brain told me, anyway).
While I escaped the hell of an eating disorder, there were times when I ate nothing for breakfast, a small frozen yogurt with a little granola sprinkled on top for lunch, and a Lean Cuisine or salad for dinner. I was probably eating less than 1000 calories a day in some cases. Not good for an active teenager (the standard calorie recommendation for a teenage girl is MUCH higher).
But I could never keep up with such restrictive ways of eating for long. Even then, it seemed a little crazy to me.
Emotional eating was my true demon in high school (still is on occasion) especially during one particular summer.
I have vivid memories of coming home from my summer job one afternoon, turning on the TV to watch Wimbledon (I was obsessed with tennis that summer), and marching back and forth between the TV room and the kitchen with a parade of different – and often bizarre – food combinations in hand.
She may not remember this, but my mom came home to find me sobbing on the couch because I just couldn’t stop eating and felt so full I wanted to be sick. I don’t remember what emotional hole I was trying to fill with that food (god only knows…I was an angst-filled, teenage girl ;); but it must have been big, because I just kept eating and eating.
Lucky for me, my 16-year-old body handled the abuse and bounced right back…and my restrictive diets and emotional eating never amounted to anything more than brief moments in time.
Somewhere along the way, I must have decided that diets were stupid.
And as I entered my 20s and 30s, I learned that food is one of the great pleasures of life. I wanted to love food without abusing it…to feel healthy without being obsessive about it.
So I started experimenting, still trying to control the way I felt by making food choices that would get me there. What I learned, though, is that I had to let go of control to regain it. That approaching food with a measuring stick and a dash of guilt – or as a replacement for other things that were missing in my life – made it HARDER to “control.”
Here’s what I learned (and what I hope you’ll take to heart):
- You can enjoy food – whatever food you like, really – if the rest of your life is in balance.
- When your life is out of balance, food can be a drug.
- When your life is in balance – when you take care of yourself without becoming obsessed with the task – food is a journey; a comfort; a sensual pleasure; a creative outlet; fuel for your life.
- Eating well and being fit shouldn’t be inconvenient or overwhelming; they should be part of the fabric of your life. Finding ways to eat and move that make you feel good makes them feel as essential – and effortless – as brushing your teeth.
- Taking it one day or one week at a time gets you to your goals faster than trying to plan an entire year. The days on which you make “less than ideal” choices weave right in with the days on which you take care of yourself in a way that honors the beautiful, dynamic, amazing woman you are…and they all sort of balance each other out in the end.
All of these things make eating…well, effortless.
You know how, when you try too hard to do something, it never seems to work? Yep. That rule seems to apply to eating, weight loss, exercise and everything else we do to “be healthy” too. Who knew?
Oh, and by the way…this is an ongoing journey, so don’t beat yourself up for not having it all figured out yet. It took me years – a couple of decades, actually – to “figure it out.” And I’m still figuring it out every single day.
So, remember how I said that I think everyone in the world should be like me? Here’s what I mean…
It makes me terribly sad – and a little crazy, actually – when I hear stories of women whose lives are run by food, who’ve become so obsessed with the task of “being healthy” that they’ve lost sight of why they want to be healthy in the first place. I grew up with that all around me at school, and it just doesn’t have to be that way.
It makes me angry, even…angry that we live in a world that sends girls and women so many unhelpful messages about food and, to be honest, a little angry at them for not letting me help them. (There’s that type A thing. 😉
Because the answer is soooo amazingly simple!
That’s why I’m on a mission to help you eat effortlessly – and without stress and guilt – every day. Your answers may not be exactly the same as mine, but I’m trying really hard to shortcut it for you. 🙂
(FYI: I’m not talking about eating disorders…that’s a much trickier place to be and not so easy to get out of. My good friend Minh-Hai Alex is a rock star when it comes to helping those with eating disorders. Check her out here.)
Now I’d love to hear your story. Tell me in the comments:
- What’s your biggest struggle when it comes to eating right and staying healthy?
- What experiences did you have growing up that shaped how you feel about food, being “in shape,” and staying healthy?
- What have you learned as an adult that’s helped you create a happier relationship with food and your body?
P.S. This is your LAST CHANCE to secure a spot in the fall session of The Effortless Eating Program. Sign up now, because registration closes at 11:59p PDT on Wednesday, October 9th and won’t open again until Spring 2014. If you’re on the fence about joining the program, it’s time to take action. I and your fellow effortless eaters are waiting to welcome you!
