How many times have you beaten yourself up today?
For not going for a run or to your morning yoga class.
For not being a good mom/wife/sister/daughter/friend.
For not eating a healthy breakfast.
For not keeping the house tidy.
For not packing the “right” lunch for your kids.
For not bringing the perfect snacks to your committee meeting last night?
For not going to every single networking event you’ve been invited to this month?
For not being Super Woman.
The day’s barely half over and that little voice in your head has already told you that you suck. Several times, in fact.
There’s a serious epidemic among women these days.
We’re opting out of living a full and vibrant life – a life that makes US feel happy, well, and fulfilled – in favor of serving every single external demand made of us.
From family, friends, staff, bosses, volunteer committees, PTA meetings… you name it. Anything but what you want or what you need.
Because if you take even a moment to consider what would make you happy, you feel guilty, right?
The exhaustion creeps up slowly, like your cat stalking a bird in the back yard. You don’t even notice it until – one day – it’s on top of you and you can’t get out of bed under its weight.
A CDC study found that nearly 16% of women ages 18-44 reported often feeling “very tired or exhausted” compared with 9% of men of the same age.
We set ourselves up to be useless to those who depend on us by not saying no more often. And by taking on mountains of responsibilities that aren’t ours to take.
It’s time to stop, ladies. Stop depending on super powers that we don’t have. Stop thinking that we’ll be okay even if we don’t take care of our body, mind, and soul.
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Look, I get it. You think you can “handle it.” And, for a while, you probably can. But what exactly are you trying to prove?
That you can keep going at full steam, be a perfect mom and wife; be a rockstar CEO, doctor, or business owner, even after your father passes away and you take care of everyone but yourself in the aftermath?
Or that you can build a business, travel to visit family and friends every couple of months, hold down a day job, train for a marathon, go out on dates, launch a new website, AND be the perfect party host to friends and business colleagues on a regular basis? (I would never attempt such a crazy thing. Never. 😉
Are you happy? Do you feel well, vibrant, alive? If not, does NOT being happy, well, vibrant, and alive make those around you happy?
Because they worry, whether you want them to or not.
The burden of watching your vibrancy disappear is far worse than their not getting the perfect birthday party. Or getting occasional takeout for dinner instead of a home cooked meal. Or missing you at one or two soccer games because you took an hour to treat yourself to a massage.
So please. I beg of you. STOP.
Stop for a moment and get clear on your boundaries and your self care “non-negotiables.” Ask yourself these questions:
- What do I absolutely need to stay healthy? How much sleep? How much downtime? How much exercise?
- What obligations can I say “no” to for a while?
- What can I delegate – at work AND at home? (Even if that means that the bathroom won’t be as clean as it would be if I cleaned it myself.)
- How can I feed myself and my family healthfully without spending all night in the kitchen? (Here’s a place to start.)
- What’s my limit on social engagements for each week? Can I handle two? three? before my energy crashes. How will I gracefully say “no” to other invitations that come in?
- What brings me joy, calm, presence? When can I do that EVERY DAY? (Put it on your calendar!)
And most importantly…
What must I do for myself to be fully present, happy, and engaged with my life and with the people in it?
The world needs you at your best, most vibrant, and most YOU. It needs you to put you and your self care first sometimes. Because who else will be you if you’re not you?
Tell me in the comments:
- Where are you struggling with living up to the unrealistic Super Woman ideal?
- What’s one thing you can do THIS WEEK to create space for yourself to rest and recharge?
I believe in you… in the very human, gorgeous, vibrant, and selfless-to-a-fault you. And I believe that you can take care of you first AND be a rockstar CEO, doctor, lawyer, marketing exec, entrepreneur, mom, sister, wife, daughter, and friend.
P.S. If you need help coming up with practical solutions for getting off the super woman treadmill and putting self care first – without skipping a beat (or letting anyone down) – I’d be honored to help.
xo,
