I taught a wellness webinar for the Cal Alumni Association last week.
During the Q&A, a woman said “I get that I need to shift my mindset around taking care of myself first. It’s like putting on your own oxygen mask before you help others, right? But HOW do I make that shift?”.
*silence*
I was stumped.
Guilt is a nasty thing.
I’m sure it exists for some perfectly good evolutionary reason; but it does more harm than good… especially when it comes to doing what we need to do for our own wellbeing.
Women in particular are taught to believe that putting themselves first is selfish.
But we know deep down that the only way we can be of service to the important people in our lives is if we put our own oxygen mask on first.
So how DO we shed the guilt and shift into a permanent state of – as Pema Chodron says – “What you do for yourself, you’re doing for others, and what you do for others, you’re doing for yourself.”?
Make the decision and commit.
Like anything else in life, you first have to decide to make self care a priority.
Give yourself permission to let go of guilt and trust that the people in your life will do just fine without your attention every minute of the day. (We’re not as important as we think sometimes, right? 😉
As my friend Kathy said when I asked her how she prioritizes herself, “Get comfortable with ease.”
(I make things way more complicated than they need to be. Often.)
Then, get practical and schedule you time into your calendar. Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day, that’s a start.
Know your non-negotiables.
You might be 100% committed to putting yourself first, but you’ll still have to prioritize other things sometimes. That’s why knowing your “non-negotiables” is so important.
I think of it as self care triage: When life gets busy, what are the three things you MUST do to stay balanced and functional?
My top three:
- Sleep
- Nourishing food
- Exercise
When all else fails, I keep an eye on these three things and life just runs more smoothly.
Take a few weeks to start noticing what your bare minimum is in terms of self care. The ultimate goal is to go above and beyond those things, but at least you’ll know where to start.
Then, put them on your calendar. And GUARD. THEM. WITH. YOUR. LIFE.
Be willing to let something go.
When I worked in advertising in NYC, I bristled every time someone insisted that I spend another evening out with clients.
Despite my outward appearance, I’m as introverted as I am extroverted – on the Myers Briggs Personality Inventory, I test 50% I and 50% E, every time I take it.
In practical terms, this means that I get energy from spending time with people AND I need time alone to recharge. If I’m not vigilant about protecting my alone time, I end up depleted… a shrinking violet standing in the corner of a party instead of chatting it up with other guests.
So I made a rule for myself: I only go out to evening events twice a week, occasionally three times if one of them is on a weekend. If I receive another invitation, I let myself off the hook and politely decline.
Don’t get me wrong: I still feel guilty a lot. Most of the guilt comes from knowing that I need to “put myself out there” more in order to grow my business.
As difficult as it is for my go-getter personality, I’m willing to sacrifice faster business growth in favor of taking care of myself. I know deep down that it will ultimately make the things I choose to do that much more effective.
What are you willing to sacrifice to be more effective, productive and joyful in the things you already have on your plate?
Whether you’re single or have a family of five, outside demands on your time will always wreak havoc on “you time” if you let them. Taking care of yourself so you can meet those demands with grace instead of grumpiness is just common sense when you think of it.
What will you do this week to start making the shift to putting your oxygen mask on first? Tell me in the comments.
xo,
